Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
