I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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