If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
