You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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