And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
