I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
