Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
