So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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