I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
