3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
