I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
