dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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