Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
