The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
