My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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