I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize