Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
