3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
