So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
