Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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