Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
