I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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