take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
