I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
