Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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