My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
