she's into porn, im staying here tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We left an ass print on the piano.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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