Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
