just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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