His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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