would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
