dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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