Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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