Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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