Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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