thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
