the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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