he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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