My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
