i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
