exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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