I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
