uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
