I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
