remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
