Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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