You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my shit smells like andre
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize