therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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