I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
