so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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