Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
