was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
