Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize