i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
