She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
