Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
