I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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