It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
