I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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