There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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