Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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