Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
