Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
