he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
