i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
