Having a random hookup so left but love u
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
