Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
