I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
