The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
